she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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