Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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