Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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