I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
