Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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