I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
