I got chris browned last night
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
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I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
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He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I'm really busy with my period
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