I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
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My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
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I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
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