Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
