I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
