Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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