I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
