Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
