It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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