Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
