Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
