I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
