I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
