ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
