I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I skipped work to stalk him.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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