note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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