Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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