Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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