He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize