I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
