I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize