He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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