So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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