Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
