I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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