There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
