I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
