we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
