I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
