Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
