made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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