Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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