Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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