I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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