I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
