Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
