Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize