maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
