i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
