It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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