The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
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