was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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