Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
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You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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