Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
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I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
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her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.