I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.