Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great