the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no