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I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
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