If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....