one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Found your dick twin last night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
