Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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