I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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