I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
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you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
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What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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