Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
