ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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