Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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