i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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