Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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