He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
