the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
