There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
