Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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