Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
