he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
