You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize